April 8

Lots of thoughts today, we'll it is my day off I have time to think. Ya I remember I told you I wouldn't bring up the drama again within the aerial port but this will be brief. Remember I told you about the term "psychological warfare?" Well, this week it has to taken a toll. I have gotten to a point where I get knots in my stomach before shift and dwell on things about work long after the shift is over. I have prayed and tried to read the bible more but I can't help at times being bitter and angry at people. I found out people were talking about me behind my back but when sergeant "vulcan" brought it up, he wouldn't say what it was or who said it, just that there were "rumblings" as he put it last week and "issues" this week. He didn't have to say who it was because I could put two and two together when I saw Sergeants "right" and "jump-to" talking in length for 20 minutes before the shift started. He did say that he felt the things these people were sayng were a non-issue so that is good. He's right, they aren't issues, only to some people that have a neurotic attention to detail, like saying when mixing ingrediants to bake a cake, you should stir clockwise instead of counter clockwise. I sometimes take things very hard, but I have to keep telling myself, "there are no real issues", and that for the circumstances I'm doing a very good job. Those circumstances are, for never being previously deployed, for having a month less time then the original March people that came in December, for being prior service Navy instead of coming from Air Force active duty, and yes for being 43 and on a deployment! haha They should feel fortunate that almost all the the March people here were previously deployed in Bagram in 2009, they will not be so lucky the next deployment because there will be a lot of newbies. But on the flip side I'm really liking these new guys, and shawna and clark have been lights out helping me out. I read a quote in the sports page that sums up these "allegations" for me. It has to do with the NBA, where members of the detroit pistons purposely didn't show up for practice, complaining about the coach. Many of these players have had reputations in the past of being primadonna's. when asked about the allegations from the players, he simply said, "sometimes perception is different then reality." It's a funny quote but true. I long as my superiors know what's reality I'll be ok.
I can't believe the budget isn't going to be balanced, I check my pay and its less then half what it is. i hear they will reimburse us when they get it balanced but it scares me for the future. I 'm scare of the messy world chelsea and Jenna are going to have to live in when they are adults. Who knows, we may just turn into a third world country if we don't drastically change and make sacrifices as a country financially for the next few years. That's why I want the girls to have as much fun now, it's very important. Gina got Jenna and Chelsea into soccor, they are so excited. I wish so much I could have seen their first practice. I just try to imagine how it was like based on what gina is telling me. Her and the girls are sending an easter basket, I can't wait but I really should stay away from the sweets. The DFAC makes the best sweets, pies, cakes, cookies, they're very swet, literally. I've been able to eat great with the exception of the sweets. Still, I got a nice ego boost today. I took out my jeans I wore in virginia and put them on. I started laughing, they barely clung to my waste, they are so flippn loose, oh my gosh that's awsome. "P90X, I hate it.....but I love it!"